can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
