dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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