On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We got so high we made milksteak
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
