i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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