During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
