first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
