i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
