I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
