i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
