HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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