my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
