I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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