Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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