drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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