I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
