I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize