I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
