i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
