Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
