He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
