Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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