Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
