we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
