let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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