So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize