I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
