I'm so fucking centered right now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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