God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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