im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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