I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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