This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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