That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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