Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
