I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
