so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
