I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dick very happy bro
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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