yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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