are you still at the devil's house?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
