i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
