remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
