I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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