Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
