The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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