You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
