He kissed a someone with a penis
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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