Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize