I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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