oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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