I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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