dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
