I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
