After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
