Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
