i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
