no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
