She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
