Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
