Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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