she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
