i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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