you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize