That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
