I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
