If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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