Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
party gras won. party gras always wins.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize