Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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