even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
