I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
