The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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