then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize