i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
