I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
